Oh, Honestly!

It is a disappointing moment when you realize a friendship has soured because of something you unwittingly said.
Some friends just don't want to hear what you have to say.

I value the few friendships I have.
Recently, I talked with a friend about what was going on in his life. He asked me what I thought.

NOTE TO SELF: When asked for your opinion it is wise to stop and decide whether the friendship is one
(1) that allows you to be completely honest,
(2) you really don't know how sensitive the other person is so you should tread lightly,
(3) you know that if you do not validate their behavior the friendship will probably end,
or (4) that you are indifferent to it so it doesn't matter what you say anyway.

Sometimes we intend to mean one thing but when the words leave us they inadvertantly mean something else.
As I have aged I have begun to worry less about the reactions of people and more about speaking the truth.
Pro: I feel good about having given myself a voice, sharing my truth.
Con: If the truth hurts or causes someone to become defensive or addresses something that the person is in denial about, the friendship will shift.

Some people have the ability to be told something they don't want to hear and choose to use it as a constructive opportunity to grow and improve. They eventually appreciate your honesty.
Others get angry. Distance themselves. Fade away.

When asked, I told my friend exactly what I thought before realizing the impact of my words. I (somewhere in my brain) rationalized that if I didn't tell him that what he was doing may not be in his best interest it would come back to bite him in the ass. And it might.
But upon further reflection, it may have been better for him to discover this on his own. As it is, I am on my own, having hit a nerve. Darn. He was a fun friend.

But don't tell me "I learned a valuable lesson"...I don't want to hear it!